Fast Lane

A few weeks ago, I purchased two (2) cases of tea from Celestial Seasonings. Specifically, I purchased two (2) cases of their Fast Lane black tea. It’s delicious. It’s caffeinated. It packs a punch greater than coffee. It has nutmeg. It has eleuthero. It also has cinnamon. Did I mention it was delicious? It’s also gluten free – I mention this because people seem to care these days; don’t know why though… not much has changed since 5 years ago when seemingly no one was on the gluten-free bandwagon.

Anyway. This Fast Lane black tea is a limited-time-only product, which I understand used to be around, went away, and is now back again, only to be lost to the annals of tea in the near future (once they run out). The problem? I love this tea. I’d rather drink it than coffee in the morning, every morning. And I don’t want to see it go! So I beg you to purchase a case, or two, or more if you’d like. I really think you’ll like it. I really do. Maybe if they see enough interest they’ll keep it around for a while longer. Even though I have a four (4) month stockpile at present…

As for Eleuthero, an excerpt from the Celestial Seasoning website: “Legend has it that reindeer, for centuries the symbols of endurance in Russian and Asian cultures, like to munch on eleuthero root in the wild. If these mythical beasts of burden seek out eleuthero to keep them going, it will almost certainly help you get through that upcoming three-hour productivity meeting you’re dreading so much.”

And also, from the box: “Eleuthero was used to increase stamina and endurance in Soviet Olympic athletes.”

If this post doesn’t give you enough reason to make the switch from coffee to Fast Lane, I don’t know what will.

You’re probably missing out. FYI.

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Current State, Lately

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Rooster Man. In fact, it’s been a while since I’ve been to the establishment where I would see him, so it’s no surprise. Probably because of winter, and a lack of interest, and the holidays, and/or who knows what else.

I’ve struggled lately to get good-quality content up on the site. Poetry & prose have been a staple, but lately it seems I’ve lost cause to post. That, or I’ve simply been in a rut, or in a spell of a lack of inspiration or creativity. If you recall, I set out to post once a day to force myself into writing, not in a forcible sense, but in a good-practice sense; force myself to explore and hone my skills at writing.

And here I am. Struggling with interest, struggling with what to put out, struggling to get beyond a one-liner thought. Development of a picture, of theme, is not the easiest thing to do when you’re uninterested, lack creativity at the moment, or just don’t want to write.

Subsequently, as mentioned previously, there hasn’t been other topics to write on, again, probably because of winter, a lack of interest, the holidays, and who knows what else. Usually if there isn’t something in the poetry & prose department, there is something in the other departments to write on, typically with a slight of humor. But even that has been lacking. I’ll attribute that to my slowing lifestyle. And winter.

I need to get back on the wagon. Simple as that. Is there a twelve-step program available?

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To keep us in sleep

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The day’s have grown short
And I don’t even know what day it is
And I don’t want to look
At a calendar to find out

What’s it worth
Why even bother anymore
Nothing matters much
It seems, anymore

So long ago the sky
Would’ve been full
Today, the sky’s grey
No sense in going outside

I don’t know about you
But I’m tired of this
God forsaken place
Wisk me away, soon please

We can’t think
We can’t dream
We can barely speak
Without them listening

Why then
Do we waste
Our time
These days

Hold me, for I
Cannot be bought
Shy from me
For I’m the one who’s lost

Take me away
With you, please
Take us somewhere
Blue, green, and bright too

Won’t you please
Wake me up
Wake me up
From this dream

Or can you not wake me
And this is what
They have piped
In to our dreams

…To prevent our wake

…And to keep us in sleep

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Old friends

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It seems we have met before;
old friends found, yet new.
Away for a lifetime, if feels,
now together once again.

Though, we’ve never been apart;
our souls are connected, through and through.
We’ve been gently reminded by passing vibe:
we’re intertwined, hidden and true.

There’s a connection that binds us.
It is a longing that finds us.
We’re really all just old friends, you see,
though sometimes it’s simply hard to perceive.

So I welcome you in, dear friend of mine.
Come sit, let’s celebrate with fate;
it may be a long time
before we have another chance.

And when we’re done,
I’ll look forward to meeting you again.
On some distant day, once more
when we reminisce the past.

And again, the same as now,
with no words or contact.
Just simple, hidden feelings,
and subconscious breath

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Items of note

Sweet. The following are hits to my blog from Google, verbatim:

1) “mountain dew” actors eagle tattoo
2) “my shoes off at work”
3) Jesus hula hoop shirt
4) Jesus ponies
5) Mountain dew eagle tattoo commercial actress

I have some questions:

1) Why are there quotations around Mountain dew?
2) Why are there quotations around “my shoes off at work”
3) What is the jesus hula hoop shirt, because I want one
4) I’m glad to see that jesus ponies are still bringing home the bacon
5) And why would anyone want to know who that actress is from the commercial

Additionally to note: New Art Review has been good to me for at least one day. If you’re unfamiliar, apparently I’ve been published, or going to be published, sometime this month, in a poetry book. Neat. And I purchased a copy, then forgot I purchased a copy, then purchased a copy again, only to find that I already purchased one at discount. Yay.

Spread the word.

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Forgiveness

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I would ask forgiveness
But it will not come

Wrap up feelings
And return to shadows

Place them on a shelf
Dusty and full

Hope for better
Another day

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A Struggle Unending

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I write that I’m okay
Though my mind
Does not think the same

I say that I’m alright
Although my tongue sings
What my heart does not know

My feelings reel
Turn purple and green
Angst and calm struggle again

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Grasshopper

So apparently the word ‘grasshopper’ is racially discriminatory, so says Big Brother on my workplace instant messenger:

“The instant message that you are trying to send matches the "Racial discrimination" rule. IM Security took the "Replace all" action.”

Great. Thank you for replacing the word ‘grasshopper’ with who-knows-what. I wouldn’t want anyone thinking I’m into racial discrimination or up on the newest fads for racially discriminatory words in today’s society. Good, …good.

And to make sure that the system was crazy, in addition to sending the word ‘grasshopper’ by itself (thinking that perhaps the system thinks a one-word use of ‘grasshopper’ could be a derogatory statement), I typed the following statement: I saw a grasshopper on the trail today during my walk.

Sure enough, that’s racial discrimination… somehow.

Yet, the word ‘retarded’ is allowed… … …

So I conducted highly scientific research on the internet to to the bottom of this. What did I find? Racial discrimination causes breast cancer, something about an ant and a grasshopper in India, and a grasshopper has its own tale. Here are my search results.

What? Nothing about ‘grasshopper’ being racially discriminatory? Oh. Okay then.

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My Goodbye

My goodbye
Is sorrow and shame
Listless and dull
Forever and pain

I walk the tide
Pulling my side
The rage consumes me
Goodbye is lonely

My goodbye
Is today and for good
Tomorrow and never
Eternal and tender

With honest pride
I do subside
And begin anew
With patient blooms

My goodbye
Is sorrow and shame
Listless and dull
Eleventh and Main

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Eleventh and Main

_________________

Half past noon…
Quarter to nine…
Fifteen to four…
Something’s not right…
_________________

Can’t stop running
While spinning in bed
Heart is jumping
Thoughts spur in my head

I ran to the corner
And briefly stood
Half past noon
Then sat on a hood

Quarter to nine
It slowly turned
I waited and bated
Though never deterred

Fifteen to forever
As I waited in haste
I sat there and stared
So impatient, a waste

Waiting and waiting
At Eleventh and Main
The moment kept coming
But never came

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Turning signals in the turning lane

I’m a proponent of good driving. I’m also a proponent of following the guidelines and rules set forth, both written and unwritten. Sure, sometimes breaking the speed limit is called for, but that’s not what I’m driving at here (hah!).

I don’t think there’s a need to keep your turn signal on if you’re in the turning lane, unless you’re in the front of the pack or the last in line. Those are two very key positions in a turning lane – both let oncoming and passing traffic know that there are cars about to turn. All the others in the middle of the line, no need for a signal.

Unless, of course, you’re trying to get out of the turning lane, at which time you should have the opposite-direction turn signal illuminated for the world to see you’ve made a horrible mistake and can’t possibly afford to make the turn and are willing to screw up all traffic behind you while you wait to get out of the turning lane as those turning in front of you move forward and on with the turn, effectively blocking all other proper-turners from their chance at turning with those in front of you in the current light sequence.

If this is you, you clearly have no sense of adventure and/or take your driving path too seriously. And you also may not be a good driver.

Anyway, no need for a turn signal in the middle of the pack.

Thank you.

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A Room Full of Happy

A room full of happy.
What can you do.

People are standing, watching,
Dancing forever the fool.

People standing happy
What ever can you do?

Why should we stop them?
Why should we be the fool?

A room full of happy.
I'm glad I'm here.
This is home for me.
My mind is clear.

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Yogurt Surgery

I hate performing yogurt surgery. That is, I hate performing the surgery required to get a container of yogurt open. I don’t know why, but lately the foil tops have been ripping down the middle no matter how I try to pull it off. I try different angles, different pressures, different methods. I even try it the same way when it usually works, but it still rips right down the middle.

It’s getting rather annoying, and I’m tired of getting yogurt on my fingers from the bottom side of the foil lid.

Speaking of yogurt, that reminds me of the time I wrote about a yurt. Boy do I want one of those!

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Bugs, dancing, and expressive thought in public restrooms

It seems that every now and then when I’m at a bar or concert something unusual happens while in the restroom. Either it’s while waiting in line, standing at the urinal, or walking in or out the door…

The last time something unusual happened, I posted about it HERE. To recap: I tried to wash a bug down the drain while washing my hands, but the bug didn't get washed down the drain and survived the flood. I rescued it with a paper towel, placed it on the counter, and profusely apologize to it, all while wishing I had my phone to take a picture of it for the blog as it tried to recover from the event and, curiously enough, seemed to acknowledge my existence.

Yup.

And then there was another time I posted about HERE. To recap that one: there was a guy dancing as he stood at the urinal. He wasn’t just swaying back and forth in a drunken fashion; he was literally dancing… at the urinal… while doing his business.

Which brings me to last night at the Sevendust show. The guy standing at the urinal next to me exclaimed rather loudly, “son of a bitch!” as he’s stood there, again, conducting his business. Now, whether or not this was the same guy who was dancing, I don’t know. In fact, I doubt it was. But still, you never know because you never look over to see who’s standing there. Ever.

It seems that when guys are drunk in public restrooms, words and thoughts leap from the mind and into the world rather quickly and openly… perhaps too much so. Whereas back in the barroom area you probably wouldn’t expect some people to be talking to one another, let alone exclaiming personal thoughts while holding their manhood. But in the restroom, it’s fair game for some reason.

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The liquid condor

I’ve been very good at not drinking a lot of soda over the past 8 years; mostly water and iced tea and the occasional soda with a meal here and there. Not too long ago, I started drinking Diet Mountain Dew. Mostly, it was the commercial with all the eagle tattoos and screeching, but a small part of it was the fact that I had become a fan of Coke Zero and that Diet Mountain Dew doesn’t taste nearly as horrible as regular diet sodas.

Now, I typically don’t fall for advertising gimmicks, but I’ll tell you what – that liquid condor-esque screeching in the workplace just did something for me. …I wanted to be like that.

So far, I only screech at home and in the car. I haven’t begun screeching at work; I just don’t think it’s appropriate.

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Roosters in Texas

Well, that’s it.

We had a conversation with Rooster Man last night. A real conversation. A full-fledged convo.

Well, maybe fledged isn’t the right word. It wasn’t really that full actually, and it certainly wasn’t developed, matured, full-grown, complete, grown, qualified, experienced, of full-blown.

In fact, it was a little awkward; a lot of silence between words and sentences and fragments of sentences.

But that’s ok, because he told us that he wants to move to Texas because it makes his skin soft.

… … … … … … … ……………………….

Yup. Sure did.


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For more about Rooster Man and his backstory, check out (in sequential order for perspective):

1) Rooster Man and Friday Eve
2) Saving The World, Rooster Man Take-Two, and a cameo by Chalkman
3) No dancing at the urinal & Rooster Man Part III

Thank you. Have a good day.

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No dancing at the urinal & Rooster Man Part III

Well, last night was the night we met Rooster Man.
(backstory here and here)

He seemed like a nice guy.

I gave Xtina a dollar and requested that she go up to him, introduce herself, and tell him that we’ve seen him a few times before, and to pick a song on the jukebox together.

That worked out well.

I think we made a new bar friend.

Unfortunately, while the night as a whole was fun and entertaining, there was a guy dancing as he stood at the urinal.

Yeah, maybe just do your business and move along.

No dancing at the urinal, please.

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Saving The World, Rooster Man Take-Two, and a cameo by Chalkman

In my never-ending effort to save the world, I believe I accidentally recycled my notebook for class Saturday morning. I went to do some work Saturday afternoon, and to my disbelief I couldn’t find it. I didn’t really need it, but I wanted to have it with me. Naturally, the search went on for about an hour, but to no avail.

In other news, Rooster Man made another appearance over the weekend. That was fun. He’s always a sight to see. At one point late into the night, he really got into it and was parading around the floor as if it was his ‘yard’ he was patrolling, because that’s what roosters do.

In more other news, earlier that same night when playing some pool at Lucky Strike Lanes (a Hollywood-esque bowling and pool venue), a creepy guy (we’ll call him Chalkman) bothered me. You see, we were playing pool, minding our own business, when all of a sudden Chalkman came over to the table, searched for and grabbed our chalk, turned around and proceeded to chalk his fingers. He then walked away and back to the lane he was bowling on.

Strange enough. But then a little later he came back, but more creepy. I was standing such that the chalk was to my right. I sensed someone standing behind me and reaching to my right. I turned to see he was creepily standing there, trying to reach around me without me knowing, and grabbing the chalk! At that time the waitress came walking by and I nearly missed an opportunity to order another drink on a night when the service was pretty slow. I gave her my order, turned back to find that Chalkman had finished chalking his fingers, put the chalk back where he found it, and went back to his lane.

He stood behind me and reached within INCHES of my body!!!! For CHALK!!!! To USE ON HIS FINGERS!!!!

WTF, creepy Chalkman. Don’t ever do that again.

Thus, I proceeded to move the chalk to the far side of the table in order to see how much more creepily he would try to use our chalk for un-sanctioned reasons.

Fortunately he didn’t try a third time.

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Pregnant in the Pit

A few weeks ago I was at a concert for some pretty big bands. I was fortunate enough to have the closest seats in the house – right in the pit in front of the stage. Other than it being extremely mild for a pit, it was a great time.

At one point I had looked to my left and back just to see what was going on. The area we were standing in was only 5 or 6 people deep and well-lit when the bands were on stage, so I could everything going on around me. As I turned around I saw a woman leaning against the back rail – and what looked to be pregnant. I also noticed that there was a guy with her, whom I suspected was the father of the baby.

I quickly turned around because I didn’t want to stare and the pregnant lady. But, of course, I had to turn around again to check. I looked to confirm she was pregnant and turned back to tell my friend. Or maybe I didn’t… I can’t remember if my friend was there or not. Either way…

So of course my mind starts going into “this woman’s crazy mode” because she’s pregnant, standing in a pit at a rock concert – isn’t she the least bit concerned for her and her baby’s well being?

No, of course she wasn’t. Why? Because as the lights came up as the next band came on stage, I looked back at the pregnant lady in disbelief again, and saw that she was holding a backpack in front of her body.

…Not a pregnant lady at all.

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Sacred – In Haiku

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Held closely to chest
Guarded with life, save and love
The sacred saves us

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Up on high it stands
Gather ‘round to defend it
Protect the sacred

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Whether it is stone
Or fire, or land, wood, or air
The sacred lives on

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Want more Haiku? Check out a few of my others:

Bliss /
Those Eyes /
absolute emptiness /
Haikus To Save The World /

Want more Poetry & Prose? Click the 'Poetry+Prose' label at the bottom or to the right!

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The Symbol of Man

She laid dying on its footsteps
Life shattered by love and hate
The crowd gathered ‘round as it always does
…This place was no longer safe

Nor had it ever been
For many lives, countless, have lost
To our love and to our hate
…This was supposed to be ‘our place’

A place for some to rest and pray
But for others, a place to criticize
This is not a house of worship, though
A monument built in man’s eye

It is here where people gather
To give respect to fellow man
Yet also to tear them down
Because it stands for every man

Though built with great intention
It has driven so many apart
Like us, this monument, this symbol of man
May have been doomed right from the start

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The symbol of man, our monument to us
An illustration of our totality, in accuracy
Deservedly, and
Unfortunately...

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The Watchful Eye

The watchful eye looms
Waiting, measuring, comparing

Its glow, and foresight
Cannot begin to explain itself

But it knows

It knows

“Why?” it yells out
“Why do you sit, and why do you say”

Onto the next, and the next, and the next

Somehow, someway, in another time
The watchful eye was none
Yet, its view was perceived
And not fully understood
But it simply was

“Bring forth” it whispers
So loud, though
You can hear it across the hall
And down the stairway

What ever will you bring to it?
What ever does it want.

“Bring yourself” it says

“And be alone”

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Fall

Autumn
It's Fall
It's wind and waves, and colors galore
It's rain and leaves, and piles...
It's dark
And dreary
And I love it all
I couldn't have asked for more
Than Fall

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The Night

Embraced by the night, I
Begin to realize, I
Fold back and enjoy my own

Late in the night, I
Stay in the light, I
Try, resist what I have become

Come with me, I
Need your life, I
Pierce your skin, your soul

Deep in the dark, I
Embrace the night, I
Succumb, what have I become...

Laid on the ground, I
Wait, watch the sky, I
Give in and quench my soul

Rest in peace, I
Live now, forever, I
Gave you what you have longed

The night is dark, I
Feel sacred inside, I
Yearn for another lost soul

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100th, Sleep, and Something New

So, here I am - 3:16am and awake. Again. Probably not the best decision I've had in a while, but still a decision nonetheless.

I've decided tonight to start a new blog, one much unlike this one; a blog where my opinions and thoughts can be shared with the world on topics I chose to leave out of here. While this blog will continue to serve as my creative outlet, the new blog will be geared toward my opinion on real-world matters and topics: current events, politics, policy, regional/national/world issues, etc...

I've always wanted a venue to debate and discuss, or to at least a way offer my opinion to the world. I guess that's going to be it for now.

If you would like the new blog's address, feel free to email me (jrm at workspacewritings dot com) and as soon as it's up and ready I'll pass out the info. All points of view, thoughtful discussion, and debate are welcomed on any and all topics.

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In other news:
A small bit of celebration is in order: the previous post marks my 100th on this blog! Congrats! Thank you for sticking around and checking me out! I greatly appreciate all of your follows, subscriptions, comments, and views. While I may be all over the board on my topic posts, I'm glad to see you enjoy what I offer (to some degree at least).

Thank you for that. I hope I can continue delivering worthwhile content for months and years to come!

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In more other news:
I should be sleeping, but I'm not. Something's gone wrong with my brain and it's switched it's hours. Work certainly isn't going to like it, and I certainly won't either. This is night #2 that it's been like this.

And also, I've been feeling rather creative lately, which is probably why I decided to start up a second blog. Not that I want to leave this one, but there are things I want to write about that don't belong here. I'm sure you understand. Writing a book, painting, making music, building something, and writing lyrics are all on the mind lately. The urge for an additional outlet has probably contributed to my lack of sleep tonight, as my creativity and slight-OCD have forced my focus onto the new blog - creating, designing, customizing, etc.; once I started there was no stopping until I was done.

And now, here I am, 3:37am, writing a post instead of catching some sleep.

What's with this suddenly-strong urge to create?

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Bliss – A Haiku

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Bliss, we all have it
And in that very moment
Everything is fine

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*Want more haiku? Click the label 'haiku' below!

Enjoy and Thank You!

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Time

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Time, it slips,
slowly, slowly away.
Once, some time ago,
it was far, far away.
But now, it seems,
it was just yesterday,
and tomorrow is quickly advancing.


*Note: Inspired by Magpie Tales, picture:

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Hula hoop mastery & Jesus Ponies

The other day I went to the Rockstar Uproar festival. Jagermeister was there, as usual, and had a tent where you could get free swag. But nothing in life is free. So what did I have to offer up in return for free swag? I had to hula hoop.

I don’t know the last time I hula hooped, but my brain clearly isn’t wired to handle such stresses on the body. Of course, adding an undertone of alcohol in the bloodstream wasn’t going to help either… or maybe it does, I don’t know.

Either way, I tried to hula hoop. I wanted a shirt. I hula hooped ever so un-graciously, in fact the hula hoop spent most of its time with my knees. They got to know each other a little; who knows, maybe hula will call and ask them out on a date. We’ll see…

Fortunately though, the Jager girls weren’t very strict in their expectations and had little regard for the form required to “win” a shirt – you simply had to try, and gyrate a little, in order to get the shirt.

I got the shirt.

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Today, I learned about Jesus Ponies. If you’re anything like me and have no idea what they are, go ahead and google it. See what they’re all about.

If you already know what Jesus Ponies are, good for you. Thanks for not sharing with me sooner.

...I could have had a little more fun over the past few years had I known about these things.

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Your customized itemized linky-list of the day

1)     Snowmaking starts in just FIVE DAYS!!!!
2)     There really are DIAMONDS in the sky!
2a)   ‘Diamonds’ doesn’t look right when in all-caps
3)     Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
4)     Wolf pack
5)     Rockstar Uproar today – short day for me!
6)     Great American Beer Festival Thursday, Friday, and Saturday
7)
8)     What.
9)     I miss Vegas
10)   I want some NC BBQ

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Vegas Recap v2.0 …and a fortune cookie.

Here’s a short linked list for your viewing pleasure as an exploratory recap of my trip to Vegas. For those of you who haven’t been, this will serve as a nice highlight of what you can expect if/when you go.

Joe’s Stone Crab
Mandalay Bay Beach
Planet Hollywood’s Pleasure Pit
Cabo Wabo
Pink’s famous hot dogs
Bellagio’s fountain
B – BeatleShow Tribute! (The Beatles’ tribute band)
City Center
And much, much more

Also to note: upon my returned from Vegas, there sat on my desk at work was a fortune cookie along with a postcard from Merrill Lynch Wealth Management which read, “what does your future hold?” Apparently it was ‘401(k) day’ while I was gone… at least that’s what the card said.

I didn’t know such a day existed, but it does.

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“Hitting the big one” (aka Vegas Recap v1.0)

Welp, here I am – back in effect.

It’s interesting, and seemingly ritualistic, how every time you return from a trip to Vegas and everyone (well, at least one person) makes the comment, “I guess you didn’t hit the big one…” forcing you to engage in ridiculous banter which you have no interest in partaking.

No, no I didn’t hit the big one. You’re correct, clearly. You would have heard about it already if I had, and you probably wouldn’t be seeing me at that moment, or possibly ever again.

I guess that comment is much like other comments which are so blatantly obvious that they’re meant to spark conversation and be unfulfilling filler when there’s nothing else to talk about, but there is, but you don’t feel like giving much effort to the conversation, so you offer up the old adage of “guess you didn’t hit the big one”… much like the 'weather conversation'.

Anyway… Vegas was great. I’ve only been a couple times before, and this trip was by far the best. Plenty of good food, good drinks, and good times. I was lucky enough to win about as much as I spent on food and drinks (which is always a plus), and (un)fortunately didn’t wake up with a tiger in my room, or atop a hotel roof baking in the sun while others searched for my body.

I did, however, see a woman at one point walking with her man. I thought she had a rose in her hand, which I assumed her man gave her. Of course, as with most other times, it turned out that it was not a rose, and in fact a coke bottle with a red cap… No rose in her hand, not even close.

Standby for “more to come” (aka Vegas Recap v2.0) in the near future.

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Out of office

I'm out of the office this week and heading to Vegas (baby!) for a few days.

I'll be returning on the 13th, hopefully with some good blodder (aka blog fodder).

Until then: find a post or two that you may have missed from the early days and enjoy!

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Rooster Man and Friday Eve

Last night was Friday Eve. You know, the night before Friday. The night you’re supposed to go out and have fun in celebration of the fact that the following day is Friday.

What? You don’t do that?

Well why not? Seems to be a very logical thing to do if you ask me. You just might see Rooster Man and the proverbial chicken dance at YOUR local establishment.

As I sat on my bar stool last night, I looked through the crowd and saw a guy attempting to dace, alone. Interestingly enough, he opted to go for an adaptation of the chicken dance. One might think that he was making fun or fooling around to make his friends laugh, but in fact he was not. He actually appeared to be taking things seriously.

He proceeded to “dance” (walk) in a ten-to-fifteen-foot circle, snapping his fingers to the beat on one hand, who-knows-what with his other, and bobbing his head like a chicken, maybe even singing along to the music, too. He continued to “dance” (walk) around in said circle a few times – I saw him complete the circle at least 4 times, but who knows how long he was doing this prior to me noticing.

I wonder, why would someone choose a form of artistic dance expression at a bar such as an adaptation of the chicken dance? I can’t imagine any benefit from it, especially if you’re a seemingly-single male who is out for the night, possibly even with an interest in meeting someone of the opposite sex.

Maybe he was just overwhelmed with joy during the typical Friday Eve celebratory activities. I doubt it though.

…And this is just one reason why you should celebrate Friday Eve and support your local establishments.

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Take your shoes off at work!

I just took my shoes off at work for the first time this month. Yes, I know it’s September 1st. Yes, I understand. No, no this is not a joke. Yes, my shoes are really off.

You’d be surprised by how much of a difference such a little move like that can have while at work. Taking off your shoes when you’re sitting at a desk can help you relax, cool down, and might even keep your temper in-check. In fact, you may stop being so easily annoyed at those pesky coworkers!*

Go ahead – try it! Right now! Let me know how it works out for you!

And pass the word!!!


*Note: these statements have not been reviewed by the Surgeon General and are completely speculative. YMMV.

_

‘Drunk with a Bug’ and more ‘Treat Receipt’ action

Two quick things:

1) You know you may have had enough to drink when, while in a public restroom, you try to wash a bug down the drain as you’re washing your hands, only to find that the bug didn't get washed down the drain and survived the flood, so you rescue it with a paper towel, place it on the counter, and profusely apologize to it, all while wishing you had your phone to take a picture of it for your blog as it visibly tries to recover from the event and, curiously enough, seems to acknowledge your existence.

Fun.


2) The ‘Treat Receipt’ is official. Starbucks changed their drive-thru signage at some point since my last visit. There is a sign that specifically says ‘treat receipt’. Apparently, they’re running some sort of promo… Joy.

Just when I thought the lady was being ‘fun’ the other day, they go and be serious about it… Not joy.

_

absolute emptiness – in haiku

empty is the mind

that remains idle, and its

hands are too active

empty is body

when it is left to waste, self-

-beaten, weak, -abused

empty is the heart

that cannot find a true love

vices found instead

empty is the soul

of those who are blind by faith

and those blind by none

empty are beings

who do not properly tend:

mind, body, heart, soul

Want more haiku?

Enjoy:

Haikus To Save The World / Those Eyes

Haikus From Space / Little Mosquito

_

Yurt and Strawberrt

Turns out ‘strawberrt’ is a little more popular than I had originally expected. I hadn’t given it much thought, actually, but when I just Googled it, I found 10+ pages of results. Now of course, not all of those pages are pertinent; however it should be noted that ‘strawberrt’ is a word in use around the world today, oddly enough.

In other news, a while back I learned about yurts. At the same time, I also learned that I want one. Unfortunately, I don’t have a yard big enough for one at the moment. Someday I will, or at least I will have a piece of land hanging out, lonely, looking for a friend… and I will put a yurt on it to make it feel better. And for me to stand in.

_

Would You Like Your Treat Receipt?

I went to Starbucks this morning. I’ve been doing that lately because I hate my coffee maker. When I purchased it, I made sure not to buy the cheap model because I wanted to have a good-quality cup of coffee in the morning. And I wanted to make sure my guests (if and when I have them, and when they want coffee) had good-quality coffee. One key to a good cup of coffee is a good, clean, reliable coffee maker. Thus, my purchase of a coffee maker that was above $50, but under $100 (plus a 10- or 20-dollar rebate).

Lately my coffee has been sucking. It’s been horrible, unreliable, and inconsistent. I tried different brews in case it was that brand or type, all to no avail. I had finally had enough.

Coincidentally, I also started using the Yelp app on my Droid X. And, I also became a little addicted to it. I am still addicted to it, actually… The Yelp app allows you to not only have the web-version of Yelp in your hand at all times, but you can also check-in to businesses.

After 2 check-ins you’re a regular. If you have the most check-ins you’re the Duke. If you have the most Dukedoms of an area you’re the Barron. And if you have the most Dukedoms within a city, you’re the city’s King or Queen.

Sounds stupid, right? It is. But it’s also fun. And addicting. It actually takes a certain level of strategy to grab and keep a Dukedom. I liken it to a life-size version of Risk or some other strategy game. And you can also get free stuff from businesses when you share your check-in on Twitter.

Back on point:

Now that I could be Duke, I opted to start frequenting Starbucks in the morning, all in the name of building my fiefdom.

So far, so good.

Back to the original point of this post, which I happen to have left out until now:

I went to Starbucks this morning and ordered my usual iced coffee, but decided to add a breakfast sandwich as well. I pulled up to the window, greetings commenced, handed my card to the lady, and she responded with, “ would you like your treat receipt for later?”

I immediately said yes because I knew what she was talking about. But for a short moment I was a little confused as to what she said, or meant. “Treat receipt”? What the… Who calls it that, and what in the world are they thinking.

A) Starbucks does not fall under the ‘treat’ category.
2) Even if I went to Walgreen’s and bought a basket full of candy, THEY wouldn’t call it a “treat receipt”; Starbucks shouldn’t either.
G) Don’t call it that.
&) Ever.


That is all.

Thank you.

_

Funk.

Funk. What is a funk? What does it mean to funk? How does one funk, and more importantly, how does one enjoy funk?

I’ve been in a bit of blog-funk for a little while. Please excuse me while I free myself of this funkness (even though Microsoft thinks I mean to type ‘funkiness’).

While I’m on the topic, I might as well break into:

“Welcome to station W.E.F.U.N.K, better known as We Funk, or deeper still The Mothership Connection. Home of the extraterrestrial brothers, dealers of funky music, P-Funk, uncut funk, the bomb.

“Coming to you directly from the mothership, on top of the chocolate milky way, 500,000 kilowatts of P-Funk power. So kick back, dig, while we do it to you in your eardrums. Oh me? I’m known as Lollipop Man, alias: The Long-haired Sucker. My motto is:

“Make my funk the P-Funk, I want my funk uncut. Make my funk the P-Funk, I wants to get funked up. I want the bomb, I want the P-Funk. I want my funk uncut. Make my funk the P-Funk, I wants to get funked up.

“Now, this is what I want you all to do: if you’ve got faults, defects, or shortcomings… whatever part of your body it is, I want you to lay it on your radio. Let the vibes flow through; funk not only moves, it can re-move. Dig?

“The desired effect is what you get when you improve your interplanetary funksmanship.”

Sir Lollipop Man, bring me the funk!


–Words and content adapted from Parliament’s P-Funk (Wants To Get Funked Up) lyrics.

_

Zombies (But No Cats) (Or Maybe One Cat)

OK, here we go.

I think it’s time to post some zombie news.

---Begin Message---

*****BULLETIN*****

First, there is this book: 501 Things to do with a Zombie
-just in case you were at a loss of ideas

Next, there is this: Nicole from More is Better has hypothesized (at least once) that “the internet is being run by zombies who are trying to make my forehead more delicious before they bite into it and suck my brain out.”
-curiously enough, this originates from research into a home remedy for sinus pain

Savage Chickens suggests that zombies (or at least chicken zombies (which are not unlike cat zombies except for the physicality of the two)) only want to be loved, but can only say “brains” so clearly there’s a miscommunication issue here between humans and zombies.

Then there’s the British Automobile Association, a car insurance provider, who has likened wearers of iPods (and other MP3 players, including smartphone users) to zombies, saying that these people have been “guilty of not paying attention to the traffic around them”… thus creating a zombie state of actions, and aptly naming them 'zombie walkers'.

Next is, of course, the headline of the week:
“Minneapolis will pay $165,000 to zombies”

And finally, hydrofracking has caused people to turn into zombies (in a movie at least). Apparently there’s an environmental zombie thriller out there…

Fortunately still, there is no news on cat zombies (except for this cat, which has not made headlines yet).

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be on the lookout.

---End Message---

_

Their Pain

Pain – it’s what’s for dinner
Is not the way it should be
We hope and we pray
Waiting to be saved
It’s not right, or warranted
To be left here this way

Pain, with little empathy
For the goings-on of
The youth of today
No more tomorrow
Should not be the
Thought they portray

Sometimes simple
Is all we need
Although I wonder how
We often can breathe
When there’s children
Left on the street

In pain isn’t the way
They should be
Locked out and locked in
Let them free
Let them free
Let them free!

_

Masked

I am masked, but I am me
I am masked, but I'm not me

I do not stand, for your entertain
I stand only, for my disdain

I dance around, on unlocked floors
I dance the same, through unlocked doors

"What is this?", how dare you say
I'm happy here, I'm allowed to play

I am masked, and take no fame
So I can be myself, without shame

_

The Brush

Standing in line
Minding my own business
I patiently await my turn

My head is down
Fresh from magazine stand
I’m thumbing from page to page

I hear a sound
My head picks up
Just some change hitting the floor

I’m up next
After those in front of me
How much longer will I wait?

The day is young
But I have things to do
So my patience begins to fade

When out of the blue
As she turns to walk out
She brushes against my arm

I catch a glimpse
Lock with her eyes
I turn around, curiously staring

With a quick turn back
She proceeds out the door
Now I’m the one holding the line


*Note: Inspired by Theme Thursday, topic: Brush

_

Haiku To Save The World

hippies from the day
‘peace’, ‘love’, and ‘no war’ abound,
jaded at present

we should go back to
the Earth-loving ways of old
to save tomorrow

recycle, reuse,
reduce waste and resource use,
remember nature

the things we should do
to help make a better world,
arm-in-arm we’ll stand

we can save the world
for them, our children’s children,
one step at a time

_

This time, it WAS a Daniel Boone hat!

We were out on Saturday night, somehow again, back at Coyote Ugly after spending time at 3 previous locations. This time: to see what it’s like on a weekend when there’s a decent crowd. You see, when we were there earlier in the week, there was basically no crowd, leaving to question what the atmosphere is like when the room is full with drunken people. And no, not my idea, but unlike I said before, after our time there on Saturday, I’ll probably be back… assuming I’ve had a few drinks prior to entering the establishment.

Thus the report on the weekend night: fun. Fun enough I’d go back (as just mentioned).

One highlight from the weekend: while at Coyote Ugly, I looked down the bar and saw one of the bartenders standing on top wearing a Daniel Boone hat! And this time it was for real! No bad-eyesight tricks here.

Although, it wasn’t a genuine one. It was just a cheap version likely purchased in a non-Daniel Boone-hat store. In fact, it was so fake that even though the hat had a tail, it also had a face on the front… of a raccoon… if memory serves me right, I don’t think that Daniel Boone wore an animal’s face on his head. Although I could be wrong; I’m no follower of Daniel Boone history.

_

Those Eyes – In Haiku

They draw me closer
Longing and lusting for you
I desire those eyes

Sparkling and shining
The way galaxies collide
Mesmerizing me

Look at me again
Until twilight I could stare
I get lost in them

Bright and beautiful
Blue, green, grey, brown, yellow too
Those eyes magnetize

Away I can’t look
They grab me and pull me in
Surging with passion

_

Haiku From Space

stars collide in space
non-air drifts into abyss
from nothing, something

they rotate with ease
gas giants spin slowly and
rocky spheres turn fast

cosmic wonders hang
like picture frames on a wall
the ceiling of sky

comets, they fizzle
dancing in the milky way
balls of ice leading

the cosmos delights
the vast and wonder collide
space is majestic

_

Spilt Drinks, Piano Costumes, and a Weasel

My update to Facebook last night at 11:12pm:

“Somehow… I don’t know how… but I had a drink spill in my lap. A whole drink. It’s not mine. My shorts are soaked. Specifically: rt. leg”

After dinner last night we went over to Coyote Ugly. I hadn’t been there before. ...That was an interesting experience.

Also: someone found their way to my blog yesterday through a Google search for ‘piano costume’. They landed on my ‘A Bride. A Piano. A Costume Party?’ post. Clearly, after glancing at the short blurb under the search result they decided that my blog just might have said piano costumes…

…wtf is a piano costume anyway? If anything, wouldn’t it be a tuxedo?

And also: I was surprised yesterday when my blog was mentioned on Poets United’s The Life of a Poet, featuring Weasel this week. He listed me as one of three poets he likes to read or visit the most.

Thanks again, Weasel – I appreciate it!

And more also: there’s been new activity in the topics of cats and zombies (fortunately though, no reports of cat zombies yet - that would be worthy of a stand-alone post; so important that it couldn’t be held in waiting for additional material). More on those topics at a later date.

Goodbye.

_

Her Palms

The palm of her hand is wet.
A moment ago it was clenched,
Tight in a fist.
She opened her fists, finally…
It was time to take a breath.

Two weeks ago, it started.
Life was lovely,
And without care.
Then it happened.
Two weeks ago she clenched her fists.

Since then, life has been hard.
The house almost gone,
Her child almost taken.
The state knocked daily.
Her bank account was broken.

By some strike of luck,
Or maybe a little magic,
Her fate twisted surprisingly.
The lottery? …No.
Wealthy family passing? Not at all.

Neither was it a stranger on the street;
Taking her up as charity,
Was not the case.
Instead, it was her family and friends
Who were her saving grace.

The palms of her hands were held so tight,
And they were clenched so long,
That her skin was bruised and bright.
Today is the day her palms will dry.
The worry and pain will end this night.


*Note: Inspired by Theme Thursday, topic: Palm

_

lost inside my head

i am lost inside my head,
this headstrong heartache of an impatient depth charge.
i hear the things that no one hears,
i know the things no one ever will.

i am insane. i am insanity.
call me loose, i call it beauty.
call me strange, i call it gift.
i am creation. i am death.

strip you of your being,
i know what's underneath.
the twists, the voices,
the roads, the words.

conceptual deprivation of all things great,
love, sex, religion, being.
scare myself awake, scare myself alive.
moments of understanding, epiphany of the great.

conceptual understanding, perfect reasoning.
horrifying truths.
consensual connection to the answer.
riddle me this: a maker of what, who? the maker’s maker?

believe in not, and you shall see.
believe in not, and you will receive.
open your mind’s eye and tap your illusions, delusions
become truths, and ideas are robust in flavor and description.

but only for one second…

but only for an eternity…

differentiate the two,

or are they one...


-Originally written 3March03


*Note: Visit One Stop - Where Poets and Writers Meet and their One Shot Wednesday for poems & stories from others.

_

Where do you draw the line?

Q: “If you’re a blogger, where do you draw the line? Do you even have one? And how do you find the courage to cross it?”

Although I have been consistently posting for only a few months now, I have had other blogs in the past. Long ago my old blog used to be a place for my true feelings, my inner thoughts, and my demons too. I look back and wonder if letting those thoughts out and creating words on a screen helped… maybe they did, maybe they didn’t – I’m not sure.

Now, my new blog is mostly geared toward the funny, albeit dry humor, and sometimes poetry. The stories with a touch of humor allow me to express my humoristic side, while the poetry sometimes allows for a more serious, or exploratory dive, into many different expressions of emotion.

My new blog was intended to give an audience something to read, something to enjoy, and something to keep coming back to. Thus, by design, my blog isn’t meant to be a daily portrayal of the humdrum, the boring, the negative thoughts, or sad feelings; it is designed to be an outlet of my humoristic character, with a touch of art and expression here and there. Because of this, I will likely steer away from the off-topic demons and sadness… unless I’m immediately moved to express them to the world in this venue.

I don’t know if this gives you direction, but I hope it goes to show that it’s ok to have a design, or theme, to a blog… it’s yours; do with it what you want.

-JRM

*The above has been adapted from a response of mine to Sassy’s post: Where’s The Line – Or The Lie?


And with that –

Thank you all for reading, commenting, and (hopefully) enjoying; it’s been a pleasure!

…Now let’s get out there and have some fun!!!

_

Goodbye, World; Hello, More World.

I went home for lunch on Tuesday to see if my new toy had arrived. It hadn’t, so I proceeded to sit down for lunch when all of a sudden I heard a diesel engine pull up. I looked out the door and saw FedExMan in his truck, blasting dance music, sitting there looking at me inside as I looked out at him. After a moment or two of an awkward “looking at each other”, he turned off his truck, grabbed the package out of the back, and I walked outside to sign for it.

I ate lunch, went back to work, opened the package, set up my new Droid X, and promptly flung myself into the next age of cell phone computing, all while saying “Goodbye, World; Hello, More World.”

Since then, I basically haven’t put the phone down for more than the time needed to sleep.

I’m not sure how long this is going to last, but it’s not looking good for “real people” right now…

_

A Bride. A Piano. A Costume Party?

Xtina and I walked out from dinner last night, on our way to the movies down the way on the 16th Street Mall. As I walked out of the establishment and onto the sidewalk, I looked across the way:

“Is she wrapped in plastic? Or is that a bride?” I said.

“That’s a piano” she responded.

We both focused again and walked closer to find that it was, in fact, not a piano… it was a soon-to-be-bride sitting at a piano… seemingly a bachelorette party of some sort… or a costume party… with only one partier wearing a costume…

I then proceeded to consider the state of my eyesight + beer + liquor vs. hers. After the Daniel Boone hat encounter, I was sure MY vision was worse… I’m having to reconsider that now.

_

She was wearing a Daniel Boone hat

A couple weeks ago I was walking down a sidewalk at night in a part of town that has many restaurants along the way. On the patio of one of the restaurants sat a woman at a table with what seemed to be a few of her friends. Since it was dark and my eyes aren’t what they used to be, it took a few yards for the details to come into view. As I walked closer I got more and more excited – I thought she was wearing a Daniel Boone hat! “What the hell is that?” I said.

As I got closer my excitement quickly turned to disappointment; here I thought she was wearing a Daniel Boone hat… turns out it was just her arm.

…I was wondering how her friends let her out in public wearing that kind of hat in the middle of summer.

_

Water bottle caps

A couple weekends ago while I was at Red Rocks for The String Cheese Incident, I had bought a bottle of water. Like many venues, they take away the cap so you can’t fill the bottle and hurl it like a projectile… or maybe it just makes cleanup easier for the employees – I don’t know. Well, for the second show I was smart and brought a cap from home that came from a similar sized bottle. I knew I was sure to not spill any water during the evening from that moment forward.

So, Saturday night I bought another bottle of water, went to twist on my from-home cap, and it didn’t fit. Turns out not all bottle caps are created equal, and I wasn’t aware that there are different gauges for basically the same size bottles… who knew! Fortunately though, I was able to twist the cap on and re-thread it on an angle so that there was at least a top on the bottle. It wasn’t water-tight, but it was a cap nonetheless.

Sure, I could have brought my own bottle-of-water-with-cap into the show, but that was of little interest to me at the time – that’s just more to carry when I’m supposed to be carrying an alcoholic beverage.

_

Whatthehellisinmymouth.

Here’s the first few days of my Invisalign experience:


Invisalign Day .5: Whatthehellisinmymouth.

Invisalign Day 1: There’s something in my mouth.

Invisalign Day 1.635: I’m tired of having something in my mouth.

Invisalign Day 1.645: I feel like my teeth need to breathe.

Invisalign Day 1.656: I really just want to chew something or fully close my teeth.

Invisalign Day 2: I’m ok now.

Now we’re at 5 days later and everything’s ok. My teeth aren’t suffocating, there’s little pressure, no pain (never was any pain), and I can tolerate the foreign objects hugging my teeth.

_

Multiple-card-giving

There’s a growing tradition within my family around each gift-giving occasion. I’m not sure where or when it started, but it’s something that my parents and I partake in (me, whenever I remember the occasion). Like most people, we buy and send cards for birthdays, holidays, etc… but we send multiple to each person. I think I may have started this tradition, but I’m not too sure. We like to send a funny one or two, and then maybe a serious one… and I’ll even get one from my own dog that lives with me, sent by one or both of my parents.

I rather enjoy doing the multiple-card-giving thing because I never feel one card is enough; it never fully encompasses who I am. So, last night I walked out of the store with five birthday cards… three for one person, and two for another. The people at checkout probably think I’m crazy, or I have a lot of people to celebrate, when in fact I only have one or two…

_

Tonight

I cried tonight
I cried so softly, so gently and pure
I cried until my tears ran dry
My heart ached, and crushed inside

I died tonight
I died a slow peaceful death
I died until I could not breathe
My chest felt like I was suffocating

I left tonight
I left this world so swift
I left until I saw no more
My thoughts of this world hazing in bliss

I was born tonight
I was born to something new
I was born until I could not remember before
My life has just begun


-Originally written 13March03

_

Dying Love

Please save your tears and wipe your eyes
It's death, my dear; I've only died.
Please be safe, and step aside
I'll be fine; you're by my side.

Save our love for the rainy days
And I'll walk with you in the bright sunrays.
Your love for me let slowly fade
Kiss me now; take my final breath away.

With your strength you'll carry on
Think of me and then move on.
I gave you my love, so thick and strong
I'll be watching from above, helping you along.

It's okay my love, I've only died…
Please wipe those tears from your saddened eyes.
Remember one thing before I go:
I'll love you forever, with my undying soul…


-Originally written 12October00

_

Our New Sky

We stand and look up to see if things have changed, but they haven’t.
Consumed by it, the ocean now surrounds us.
We can only look to the light from afar as it shimmers down through the water.

It has been 17 years since we were forced down below.
Only under the surface are we safe from above.
The world we once knew no longer exists.

Our pompous ways, and arrogant actions, they are what led us here.
Once great and powerful, we’re now at the mercy of the sea around us.
And now, we cannot escape from the next hell we create for ourselves.

We thought we had it all, and took everything without care.
We raped and pillaged our land with little regard, until it was too late.
Our once-abused resources had finally burned us for a change.

We ruined our world long before we were able to find a new home.
Now we, the few that remain, are fortunate enough to have made it below.
Fortunate to survive, yet it’s terrifying to realize we are forever bound below the surface.

Now, we are self-made sea creatures; endangered like those we once tried to protect.
Our new sky protects us from the damage and the desolation we left above.
We look to our new sky, the sea that surrounds us, and to the foreign light as it shines from above.

But now we cannot leave again… and I fear that we still cannot change.
The ocean which sustains our new life…
cannot forever protect us from the very thing that will eventually end us:

Ourselves.


*Note: Inspired by Theme Thursday, topic: Light

_

The Light

I fling myself awake.
My eyes open,
and panic sets in.

I look around, scared and dazed.
Holding my breath,
I swim towards the light.

I swim and I swim.
The light still there,
but so far away.

I’m panicking and frightened.
My lungs tighten,
and stars appear.

My final try:
I grab at the water around me,
but I’m barely swimming; I’m sinking!

Nature takes over.
I reluctantly give in,
and I gasp for air.

The light begins to dim.
My system's in shock,
and water fills my lungs.

I’m drowning, but see the light.
It’s dimming,
yet growing bright.


*Note: Inspired by Theme Thursday, topic: Light

_

Murder Kitten, Vampire Kitten, Cyborg Kitty – BEWARE!!!

I suddenly realized that I haven’t posted about cats lately and feel it’s about time to do that again. Thus, in continuing my pseudo-pursuit of “getting the word out” and “warning” about cats and highlighting the “curiosities” of the existence of cats, here are a few things to consider:

--BEGIN SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT--

Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day (see links below)
From:
- Sassy’s Scene From A Marriage: Here, Kitty, Kitty
and
- The Onion

And also:
- Cyborg kitty watches you sleep
and
- Vampire kittens
(From: I am your Canadian boyfriend)

…It’s clear that I’m not the only one concerned about this.

Fortunately though, I haven't heard anything about zombie cats... yet.


And of course, in case you haven’t seen my other discussions on the topic of cats:
- Cats are unique in a strange way, not a normal way…
and
- It’s natural to be wary of a cat… of any kind


-- END SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT --

Thank you.

_

Sometimes simple…

…is the best way;
I love you
I want you
I miss you
…is all we should say.



*Note: Visit One Stop - Where Poets and Writers Meet and their One Shot Wednesday for poems & stories from others.

_

Dear, good time: I had you. (aka: The String Cheese Incident)

Welcome back!

It’s Tuesday and I’m back as well; Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights were spent at Red Rocks Amphitheatre at The String Cheese Incident shows. Knowing ahead of time I’d need a day to recover, I took Monday (yesterday) off, and last Friday for good measure as well.

I hadn’t seen SCI before but had a good idea of what to expect going into the weekend: good people, good music, and a good experience. Everyone I met was friendly, fun, and downright cool. I can’t complain about anyone or anything from the weekend.

Here are some highlights from the weekend:

- Skydivers TWICE on Saturday (once with smoke trails during daylight, and again late into the night with sparkler trails)
- THE best chicken burrito I’ve ever had (RR now has both a burrito station AND a nacho station!!!)
- Sore calves and back
- A pseudo-broken toe (post-Saturday show back-at-home-door-jam-slamming event)
- Sailor Jerry’s spiced rum (beats Captain Morgan any day of the week)
- A slew of beer and water
- The guy with a hat similar to mine (2 nights), the girl who offered me whiskey (2 nights), Simon & Kris (Simon was from England and has been here since ’91, namely due to the availability of skydiving in America), and the guy with the birthday Sunday night
- The best light show I’ve seen
- Great music
- Nonstop dancing, boogying, and grooving all night long (all nights)

Now that I’ve been indoctrinated, I can’t wait to see SCI again. I also wonder why I haven’t given them any attention until now… clearly I’ve been missing out!

All in all, this should sum things up nicely: after last weekend’s “Incidents”, I’m adding The String Cheese Incident near the top of my favorite live bands list. I look forward to seeing them again, and to downloading (legally) as many of their shows as I possibly can.

Well done, good time… well done.

_

When in the park

Lie on the grass
and look to the sky,
watch the pillowy clouds
as they pass on by.

The birds, they float
on without care.
Feel your breath escape,
and bring in fresh air.

The sun is shining
while children play.
With arms outstretched,
you decide to stay.

Roll onto your stomach,
remind of the fact,
the park is much better,
“I don’t want to go back.”

When hard at work,
it’s safe to say,
you’re not allowed
to lay and play.

But when in the park
on your break, your lunch,
you’re like a child:
you “like it a bunch.”

“Oh, what can I do?”
you hear yourself say.
“Call in to work?”
“I won’t be back today?”

Now for the moral
of this little poem:
spend time in the park,
you’ll feel at home!


*Note: Inspired by Theme Thursday, topic: Park

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The Cold

It’s cold, very cold,
snow’s falling faster than fast.
Ice is building atop the bridge,
not slower than the last.

My breath is cloudy
as it floats through the air.
My ears are red,
fingers frozen when bare.

I don’t like this feeling,
these feelings from past.
We’ve done this before;
though this seems to be our last.

My heart is breaking
yours is frozen and feisty.
Mine won’t stop aching
it seems you don’t like me.

We’ve been here before
not long in the past.
This isn’t the same though,
I know it’s our last.

Your stare is chilling,
right to the bone.
Your smile is cold,
and so is your tone.

It’s cold in here,
snow’s falling faster than fast.
Your ice starts toppling,
our bridge begins to crash.


*Note: Visit One Stop - Where Poets and Writers Meet and their One Shot Wednesday for poems & stories from others.
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The Saltshaker Magicman

Over the weekend, I had the fortune of experiencing a barroom magic trick. A young gentleman sitting at the table across the aisle kindly interrupted to ask if we had a quarter. We didn’t, but gave him a nickel after he said it would do the job as well. He started back at his date, included us to watch along, and began his act while his lady friend cautiously observed.

He placed the nickel onto the bar table, knocked it a few times with his fist to prove that the table was indeed solid, and proceeded to try and push the nickel through the table with his hand. After several attempts, it was quite clear that the table was indeed solid, and the nickel was not magic-like.

He then grabbed a glass saltshaker, covered it with a few napkins, cupped it from atop in his right hand, and hit the nickel with its bottom five or six times, pausing a moment or two to focus between each hit.

His goal was to obviously A) bang the nickel through the table, B) I had no idea what he was trying to accomplish, or C) things would go horribly wrong as he broke the saltshaker and sent glass shards and salt flying into the air. Thankfully though, he had the napkins to protect us.

After several attempts of hitting the saltshaker on the nickel to no avail, he refocused and took one last try.

His right hand lifted and slammed the saltshaker down, collapsing flat atop the nickel and crushing the napkins beneath. Seemingly astonished, he looked at his date while his left hand rose from under the table, presenting the glass saltshaker intact for all to see. Surprised ourselves, we applauded his seemingly impossible feat.

The Saltshaker Magicman put on a good show that night; his barroom magic trick left me intrigued and with a desire to know the intricacies of his act.

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Chasing a squirrel on caffeine…

I just received an email at work containing the following line: “getting them pinned down has been like trying to chase a squirrel on caffeine.”

I promptly forwarded the email to my boss and asked if he has ever chased a squirrel on caffeine. His response leads me to believe he has not. Neither have I. And chances are, I don’t know anyone who has.

After hearing this, I have a few questions:

1) Where did the squirrel get the caffeine?
2) Why would you be chasing a squirrel in the first place?
3) How high can squirrels jump after consuming caffeine?
4) What happens to tortoises (torti?) when they consume caffeine?

If anyone can answer any or all of these, it would be greatly appreciated.

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The Ish Clause and PainterMan

I enjoy the Ish Clause. For those who may not know, when someone adds “ish” to the end of a word, most frequently regarding a time, they’re giving you a guesstimate or loose estimate (side note: somehow guesstimate is a real word according to Microsoft – you learn something new every day).

I don’t like to overuse the Ish Clause, and I certainly don’t like when others overuse it… that’s just outright abuse. And I don’t stand for abuse… in most cases at least.

Anyway, utilizing the Ish Clause allows for a window of opportunity, which I think is still pretty firm. In regard to time, when someone says “ish”, I don’t think that goes beyond 20 minutes in either direction; there’s definite boundaries for the Ish Clause.

Last week, a coworker told me he would have his PowerPoint slides to me around Wednesday-ish. It is currently Friday. I haven’t encountered a day-“ish” before, so I didn’t really know what to expect. The jury is still out, but I would say that in day-ish terms, there is a one-day window there; certainly, 20 minutes wouldn’t be appropriate, and 20 days is entirely too ridiculous a timeframe.


In other news, I got home after work yesterday to find painters hanging on the side of my house. Apparently the HOA had contracted them to repaint all the units in my area. I knew about this ahead of time, but they didn’t give a specific date they’d start painting.

So I walked inside, let the dog out, walked back into the living room and saw this, which doesn’t seem too safe to me:

















I was expecting PainterMan to come crashing through the window after I took his picture and really didn’t want to deal with that.

Fortunately he didn't.

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Poker, the Stove-and-Pot Team, and my FeedBurner angst

I sat down on the couch the other night, had the TV on, turned lappy on, and logged into Full Tilt for a little online poker. About 20 minutes or so into the tournament, I hear some splattering and general destruction coming from the kitchen area. Turns out I was boiling something on the stove. It also turns out that I forgot I was boiling something on the stove.

I quickly jumped up from the couch mid-hand of the tournament, unplugged the power source from lappy, ran with lappy in-hand to the kitchen, threw my glasses onto the counter, and set lappy next to the stove. I proceeded to the drawer, grabbed two potholders, moved the pot off the burner it was on, turned the burner off, put the potholders down, played my hand in the tournament online, and proceeded to clean up the mess that the Stove-and-Pot Team had created. Crisis averted.

I ended up winning the tournament, and my food was thoroughly cooked.


Topic change:

I’m frustrated with FeedBurner. I don’t understand how such a simple concept of tracking RSS feeds can be so challenging of a task for a company such as Google. I understand there’s various avenues RSS feeds can take and the magic that needs to happen to come up with a final “subscriber” number… but really… why the issues?

What I don’t understand is why there is a departure between the quantity of “subscribers” in FeedBurner and the quantity of “followers” from Google. Seems to me that feed aggregators still ping an RSS feed, including Google Reader, even if you’re “following” a blog. Yet, the quantity reflected in FeedBurner “subscribers” is nothing close to the Google “followers”.

Needless to say, every time I think about FeedBurner, I want to fix the issue; every time I try to research and fix the issue, I get upset at FeedBurner.

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A moral and/or ethical dilemma – or not

Last night I went to Walmart. I don’t ever enjoy going to Walmart. I don’t know many who do.

I try to be as quick as possible when I go into that store because I know that I’m going to have to stand in line for what seems like forever – it always seems like forever. Always.

As I make my way to the checkout area, there is a very short line with only one person at the register. Needless to say I was pleased with this and proceeded to that register.

The young woman scanned my first two items, and then the third. The third didn’t scan properly, or at all, and the register didn’t recognize the product. She cleared the machine rather quickly and proceeded to scan it one more time. Again, it didn’t recognize the product.

She then cleared it again and put the item into the bag and announced my total. Being the quick grasshopper I am, I knew the total included only the first two items and not the third. I swiped my card, signed, thanked the young lady, took my three items and walked out of the store with receipt in hand – verifying I was correct.

So there we have it: I was given a free item at Walmart. I knew she didn’t ring it up, and I still went with it.

Here’s the thing: under other circumstances, if they had missed an item I would have pointed out the error and have them rescan so I can properly pay for what I’m walking out the door with. This time, however, was different.

She clearly tried to scan the product, but it couldn’t be found. She made the executive decision to place the item in the bag for me to take home. What was I supposed to do? Argue with her? Insist she call a manager to come figure out the situation? Stand and wait, causing the line behind me to grow continually for who knows how long?

I chose not to mention anything because it was apparent that I was in the clear, ethically and morally speaking of course.

Or was that wrong?

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Standing on the edge

I look down, standing on the edge.
With cool breeze brushing my skin,
I close my eyes and clear my mind.

I lift up my arms from my sides.
With body shaped like a ‘T’,
I breathe in deep.

My senses heightened.
The sweet smell of flowers,
and waves crashing consume me.

I raise onto my toes.
Butterflies form in my stomach,
my nerves begin to swarm, and I wait.

I open my eyes to the ground below me.
I can finally see clearly,
this world is for me.

I rest my heels firmly on the ground.
My body relaxes,
my nerves slow down.

I struggle to step back.
My mind urges me to stay,
but my heart fights me from the edge.

I am safe again.
I will live to see another day.



*Note: the "I" in this poem is not me. Although this can be interpreted as thoughts of suicide, these thoughts are not my own.

*Note: Visit One Stop - Where Poets and Writers Meet and their One Shot Wednesday for poems & stories from others.
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The continuous pursuit of food

In conversation today, much like conversation from every other day, I realized that my life, along with a friend’s life, is a continuous pursuit of food.

Virtually every day the conversation goes something like this (via email, BB Messenger, or IM):

Con Lee: “What should I have for lunch?”
Me: “Beef sammich.”
Con Lee: “No, I don’t want that.”
Me: “How about pizza? Mmm, Lou Malnati’s… That was the best sauce ever.”
Con Lee: “No, I don’t want pizza. Go to GrubHub.com and search for something around 60613.”
Me: “OK.”

Time goes by as I search and I eventually return with the results:

Me: “How about Thai?”
Con Lee: “No.”
Me: “How about Chinese?”
Con Lee: “Nope.”
Me: “How about Chicago dogs?”
Con Lee: “No, I want something different.”

By this point I’m probably tired of figuring out what someone else should eat for lunch, and as my interest wanes I tend to let the topic pass. Sometimes, however, the conversation is so intense that a phone call is warranted to discuss the topic further… and after a few moments of that, my waning interest continues.

These conversations happen almost daily, including weekends, and also take place during dinner and late-night hours as well.

And also (this just in):

Jennifer: “Do you find it concerning that I eat a king size box of Junior Mints daily while at work and have been since April?”
Me: “Yes. Do you mind if I blog that?”
Jennifer: “It’s fine with me, but more importantly should I be worried about my wellbeing because of this? Diabetes perhaps? I can’t stop.”
Me: “Yes. Stop.”

…We (yes, WE, including me, because I'm not exempt from said what-should-I-eat discussions) seem to have issues with food.

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PB & BB

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Following suit with yesterday’s post:

Apparently my blog post is the #2 search result for 'listening to Playboy Radio at work'. Someone out in internetland actually searched that and opted to click on my blog – how fun! I doubt it’s what he/she was looking for (probably he), but that’s alright. Unlike yesterday’s interesting tidbit, I don’t think I mind cornering this part of the market.

In other news:

As you may or may not know, I have a BlackBerry. And on that BlackBerry is BlackBerry Messenger, a neat little application that allows you to chat with other BB users without using text messages. This saves you from racking up your text plan and, ideally, saves you money… assuming the people you want to chat with have a BB as well.

My friend and his wife both have BBs, thus they’re on the contacts list in the app. I have another friend whom I text with regularly, but for some reason he’s not on that contacts list, and it doesn’t seem right to chat with him through BB messenger. I added him once and tried to converse through the app, but it didn’t seem right, it actually felt a little awkward. I’m not sure why... I could save some text messages if I chat with him through the app, but what’s a few text messages for the sake of comfort?

Anyway, in the BB Messenger you can populate a profile. I like to change my name in the profile every once in a while to spice things up, even though I’m chatting with only two people there. I’ll usually change my last name to their last name, but right now I have it changed to her maiden name. At least I think it’s funny…

I haven’t started branching out into crazy names yet, but I will. In fact, I might just do that right now.

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Let’s build a ‘wich!

Slice the tomato, three-eighths-inch thick.
Slice the cheddar cheese, quarter-inch thick.
Toast the English muffin, brown on the edge.
To both sides of muffin, spread mayo, spread.

Lay muffin down, mayo-side-up.
Put on the cheese, one slice is enough.
Put on tomato, one slice is enough.
Put on the top, now time to clean up.

Try garlic, try onion,
these powders are good.
Oregano, try salt,
even pepper you could!

Now it is time
to eat your sand’.
Put napkin on knee,
and eat with both hands!

*Note: Inspired by Magpie Tales, picture:

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Interesting tidbit

Interesting tidbit: at the time of posting, anyone who searches “motion sensing faucets for zombies” on Google will find my blog in the #2 spot. If another person searches “zombies, motion sensing faucets” on Google, they’ll find my blog in the #1 spot.

While I enjoy the posts I’ve written about zombies (here and here), and the one about motion sensing faucets, I’m not so sure anyone would ever search for them together, thus leaving Workspace Writings low in the search results otherwise.

However, “motion sensing faucets for cats” lands the blog on the second page of results, which is undoubtedly higher than the outcome of separate topic searches described above, and seems to be a more viable search phrase, especially since someone has already searched for “motion sensing faucets for cats” at least once and managed to land on my blog.

I don’t know that I want to corner the zombie-cat-motion-sensing-faucet search result market; I doubt there’s much value in it, and few probably think to search of those topics together.

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The Human Spirit and Opportunity

There is something to be said about the human spirit – it takes a lot to break it down, and it takes a lot to keep it on the ground. More times than not, it’s up again in due time.

It’s tough to stay positive when it seems that nothing good is happening, and I understand that. I also know that it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when our eyes are closed.

I propose we keep our eyes open, ready, willing, and able to see the slightest of opportunities – the opportunities of our tomorrow: the opportunities we are given, as well as those we create ourselves.

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Friending, announcing, commenting.

Two things –

First: What is the protocol for Facebook friending? There has to be something somewhere to tell us what to do.

If someone request your friendship on Facebook, and you accept, who is obligated to send the first note? If no one sends a note, how awkward is it really to not have at least a micro conversation? And also, after what amount of time can you wait without it being awkward anymore and send a note that is actually technically still the first note? Sometimes people friend me, I accept, and hear nothing from them. My personal opinion is that they should send the first note, not me. I think that makes the most sense.

Second: Which is better? To announce something, or make a comment about something?

Let’s say you have something to say, should you draw attention and formalize your opinion, or is it best to make a comment in passing? I understand that this may be situation-based, but… well I guess I just answered my question. And so I guess my new question will be: how do you determine which is best in a given situation? Sometimes I like to announce things, sometimes I’d rather make a comment; I can’t say with any certainty which is right or best in a situation. I sometimes find myself thinking ahead about the best way to communicate, weighing an announcement vs. a comment. Sometimes this results in me not paying attention, primarily because I’m thinking too loudly.

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With Yellow Sympathy

Embark! To win!
Return! Succeed!

It yelled and it screamed
It bellowed with greed
It sang its battle tune
And of yellow sympathy

(With ravage and rage,
it WILL see another day)

With bellows of greed
With desire and need
The big horns a’glare
“To battle with speed”

By hands or on knees
The battle proceeds
Flames in the air
“Our home land’s in despair”

For land, they fight
For families, show might
Its resources they need
Not simply their greed

They cut and they battle
Overcome with their might
Refuse to give up
This is their fight

The dust then settles
With life on their side
Raised hands in air
They roar and they sigh

The march begins home
As townsmen reap & sow
They finally get inside
And look back with worried pride

Once inside
They silently cry:
“Our need and our greed,
with yellow sympathy”


*Note: Visit One Stop - Where Poets and Writers Meet and their One Shot Wednesday for poems & stories from others.


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Firecrackers & works

Two things:

One: back when I was in the Air Force, there was a night filled with soju and silliness. Or maybe it was Coors Light and craziness. There may have actually been two different nights here… I’m not so sure anymore.

Anyway, one night in New Mexico we had a little house party. At present, there are a few pictures of me walking, laughing, and I happen to have one of those Coors Light cardboard cooler boxes in my arm. The fact that there is a Coors Light box doesn’t actually help determine whether or not this night was filled with soju or, in fact, Coors Light.

There is also a video of the evening. It’s mostly dark, has few words, but there’s plenty of snickering going on. Unfortunately for me, I was the one IN the video – not on the other side snickering along with the others.

The video just to happens to be of a few people throwing firecrackers and a couple other slightly-larger fireworks at me while I sit on a patio swing, slumped over the Coors Light box.

Now, had I been of proper state of mind and mental capacity, I probably would have jumped, ran, swam, or flew from my seat when I saw the group peer around the corner, light a fuse, and throw it in my direction. Instead, I sat there, said something like “oh, come on guys, what the hell”, and allowed the firecrackers & works to explode at my feet.

Fortunately nothing bad came of this.

Two: when I was young, watching the town fireworks around the 4th were always standard, as were firecrackers & works set off at home. One 4th of July we happened to have an M-80 or two… possibly three, I’m not so sure – I was pretty young.

We (including my mother), thought it a good idea to light these in the yard at home. Of course, we did this away from the house and other structures, however it seemed appropriate to do so at the base of a good-sized tree in our yard, which was also on the yard-line with the neighbor. And their house happened to be within striking distance if the tree happened to topple over from the fireworks.

We set it off, a loud bang, small explosion, and it actually damaged the base of said tree. For a short while there was real concern for the tree falling over and onto the neighbor’s house.

Fortunately, again, nothing bad came of this.


*Note: Inspired by Magpie Tales, picture:

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